I'll Be Miles Away
by just a cane and a rusty throne
Summary: oneshot: Three minutes is a long time... / Please read the A/N in the beginning before you continue with the story. Title from Halsey's Roman Holiday.


_**WARNING**_ _: If you are uncomfortable with the topic of_ _ **abortion**_ _, leave now and pick any other fic to read. If you come into my PMs or my tumblr inbox or ESPECIALLY a review telling me how evil abortion is or anything of the sort, I'll set the hag on you._

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

Three minutes is a long time.

I've never really been impatient - spying involves more waiting than anything, to tell you the truth. I'm used to it.

But three minutes is a _really_ long time.

I'm sure I look absolutely ridiculous sitting on the toilet, knee bouncing. I've never been my nails before, but I'm tempted to now.

 _Finally,_ just as I'm about to start ripping out my own hair, the timer beeps. Within moments I'm off the toilet and holding a little white stick in my hands. My eyes blur as I look down at it, and I'm sure I'm about to have a stroke or something.

Two pink, parallel lines.

I stare at them for a moment, ears ringing, sure I've made a mistake. I look back at the box, but I was right. Of course I was.

Two parallel lines.

 _Pregnant._

Distantly, I recognize that someone has just opened and closed the front door of my apartment. _Our_ apartment. Unless I'm about to be ambushed by a serious amateur, there's only one person it could be. But that all takes too long to process. Zach's already standing in the doorway. He notices the stupid test and goes silent. I can't help but remember his words from so long ago.

" _I'm never having kids."_

We were eighteen then. Surely he can't still feel that way, years later?

"Is it... Are you..."

His voice is strained. I'm not sure I can speak at all, so I simply nod.

And then he's gone.

+llllllll+

Cammie knew he would come back. Eventually. She just had to wait.

In the meantime, she called Bex, who knew immediately that something was wrong and arrived at her doorstep within the hour. She was in town for only a week or so before her next mission, but she agreed to stay with Cammie while she could.

She sipped her tea quietly while Cammie explained all that had happened. It was a short story, and afterward Bex held no judgement. She hugged her best friend and told her, "He'll come back, Cammie. You know he will."

Bex's presence lightened the load a bit, but after three days with no signs of Zach, Cammie was a bit of a mess. She was _pregnant,_ which was a disaster within itself, and he was _gone._

On the fourth day, she had no choice but to call Solomon. Truth be told, she didn't want to face her mother's wrath, as Joe would surely tell her everything.

"He's _gone?_ Cammie, I haven't heard from Zach in a week, at least. I'll kill him. I can't believe he would just _leave._ That idiot boy."

Turns out, she should have been scared of Joe's wrath.

Joe swore he would track his almost-son down, and he was true to his word. Cammie received a phone call the next morning, and though it was Joe on the other line, the first thing she heard was Abby and Townsend screaming, likely at each other. Then, her mother: "Would you two please _shut up_?"

The screaming only escalated, and Cammie heard her stepfather bark, "OUT," which was met with a door slam and then silence.

Joe sighed. "I found him."

"Where?"

Another sigh. "Malaysia."

 _"WHAT?"_

"He requested a deep cover mission as far away as possible. Townsend was stupid enough to authorize it. I'm sorry, Cammie."

"How long? Until he gets back?"

"It could be... a while."

" _How long?"_

"He's not in any particular danger, Cam. He will come back. But he'll be gone for... weeks. Maybe months."

+llllllll+

Macey was working in California, protecting an heiress. She couldn't talk much, but when she could it was with Cammie. Liz was more available, but she'd been raised as a little Southern Belle, and Cammie's predicament made her uncomfortable. She would never be judgemental, but she didn't like talking about it, and Cammie respected that. Instead, when Liz came over, or when they went out for lunch, they talked about normal, mundane things. With Liz, it was as if nothing was wrong. That helped, in a way, but as soon as Cammie noticed Zach's favorite coffee mug, or the aftershave lying abandoned in their medicine cabinet, or the way that his side of the bed didn't quite smell like him anymore, her heart broke all over again.

+llllllll+

In total, Zach was gone three weeks and four days. Two weeks and four days of agony and confusion and feeling completely and utterly alone.

Cammie wasn't sure she'd ever forgive him.

But on that fifth day of the fourth week, he was there, waiting outside the door. He'd knocked on the door of his own apartment, and that in itself cracked a bit of the ice around Cammie's heart.

She said nothing when she opened the door. He looked okay. Disheveled, and a bit like a scolded puppy the way his head hung, but physically he was fine. If he'd been injured she'd have let him in, taken care of his wounds. But he was fine, so she let him stand there for a good five minutes before he opened his mouth.

Cammie was not willing to hear his apologies. "You _left."_

"Cammie, I am so, so sorry." He seemed to shrink beneath her gaze, which was a sight to behold on bold, cocky Zach. "I was being stupid. God, I'm so _stupid._ I'm sorry, Cam. _Gallagher Girl._ I never should have left."

Cammie had never seen him so vulnerable. The regret and sincerity was clearly written in every feature, and that was enough for her to step back and let him into their apartment.

But, as he crossed the threshold and stood in the doorway like a stranger awaiting an invitation, she realized that it didn't even feel like _their_ apartment anymore. And she was angry all over again. He winced as the door slammed behind him, and when he dropped onto the couch, Cammie was strangely pleased to see that he looked as exhausted as she felt.

"You left me before we could even talk about this."

"I know, Cam, and I am so, so sorry. It's the worst decision I've ever made."

"I'm having an abortion."

Zach's eyes widened. "You don't have to-"

"It's not all for you. This is my decision, and I've decided that I'm not ready for a child. I'm not, you're not. Our relationship isn't."

"You're completely sure?"

"I've already scheduled an appointment for next Tuesday."

Zach nodded, and silence fell. He looked at his hands while she looked at him, and then he raised his head and looked at her so intensely that Cammie thought she might cry, whether from happiness that he was finally back, or sadness that he'd ever left at all.

"I did some thinking while I was... gone." He swallowed, looked away. "And you're right. We're not ready now. But in a few years, maybe... if you want kids, then so do I."

"Really?"

He smiled. "Really. Assuming you'll ever let me touch you again."

It was tempting, never letting him touch her again, but she kind of wanted to touch him too.

She sat next to him, rested her head on his shoulder, and at this simple gesture Zach seemed ready to weep. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers, and the plain relief on his face caused an actual, physical ache in Cammie's heart.

This wasn't something they could just get over. But they could get through it, Cammie knew. They would talk about it, and she would get the abortion, and they'd talk about it some more until they were absolutely sure that they were both ready.

But through it all, they would be together.

"No more running away," she told him.

"Never."

* * *

 _A/N: Each of the two parts of this oneshot were originally written for two separate stories. Hence the abrupt change in POV. Sorry about that, but I tried for soooo longgggg to make the two fit together more seamlessly and it just kept getting worse and worse, so I opted for two different but well written sections rather than a cohesive story that reads like a fifth grader wrote it._

 _Also, like I said, I have been working on this story for soooo longgggg. I kept abandoning and coming back to it, only to change one line and abandon it again, and eventually I just got fed up with it and decided, nope, I'm done, this is as far as this story is going. So, yes, it could definitely use some more editing. Sorry about that, but I just needed this story to be out of my hands. Leaving it as an unpublished draft wasn't sitting well with me._

 _Thank you so much for reading!_


End file.
